NV Billecart-Salmon, Champagne Mareuil-Sur-Ay Brut Reserve

At some point, a wine just can't have any more body. Painful, at times, and exhausting, it's a loud, constantly-popping bottle of pinot noir and pinot meunier that uses the chardonnay grape the way a great steak takes salt. The white mixer's tartness of golden and granny smith apples somehow only accentuates the dense, meaty flavors of waxy blueberries and honey that are at this wine's core, lifted by boisterous bubbles and a bold, woody aroma. It's a live wire charging through me, a complex circuitry of perfectly underripened fruit and steely terroir.... What is that ringing in my ears?

NV Gatinois, Champagne Ay Brut

How can anything ever make you crave raw tuna topped with blocks of ice-cold watermelon? It's all I want, sipping this defiantly powerful grand cru pinot noir tinged with 10% chardonnay. Is the chardonnay there to lighten the wine, or was it just what these south-facing pinot grapes snacked on in the noonday sun? It all looks so delicate in the slender glass--beading a thin baby's breath of bubbles simmering to the surface. Pretty looks aside, this is a wild monster of Champagne, frothing mad at the gums with the taste of jammy grape juice and tangy acidity--fruit that's both fleshy and raw at the same time. The aroma's even bigger, thudding rich scents of what an orange and apple would smell like if they were grown in hell. You don't drink wines like this. You confess them.

NV Bollinger, Champagne Brut Special Cuvee

There's something about democracy that keeps me from truly liking this wine. Oh, my American ways. We gluttonous expatriates always want more. So when this Brit-friendly champers hits the table, something inside me turns a little bit. It's fascistly austere, and while I love dry champagne (see: Andre Clouet Silver Brut), there's too much left to be desired with Bollinger. Ironically, it's outclassed by the very Ay and Bouzy wines it's sourced from, and the heavy dose of Gatinois that is rumoured to make up most of the NV cuvee bottlings is exactly the dosage I want to drink. It's bold, vinous, and searingly mineral-laden with aromatics that could make a chef fall in love with his baker. Umami meets sourdough, walnuts, shortbread, and golden roux. That makes this wine the course right after cheese but before dessert, when you sneak in one more bite of pork with the bitter orange marmalade. But then the rest of Bolli comes through--harsh and woody from all that aging on the lees. How proper, smashing--bollocks.

NV Regis Fliniaux, Brut Rose

What a giving wine. Marzipan and bright strawberries line the aroma, which is also densely yeasty. There's so much rich Ay terroir in the smell, that you almost forget this is a rose. The flavor's full to the point of being lightly sweet up front, but the big bold bubbles carry it into a dry plush finish of orange blossoms, raspberries, red-skinned pears, minerals, and chocolate. From half bottle.